The Paper Ladle entered the anals of Armenian history in 1888 and firmly lodged itself in the Armenian body politic. By all accounts, The Paper Ladle has lasted the test of time because of its uncompromising adherence to a Hye Standard.
Our standards may be Hye, but our Principles are even Hyer-er. A rich history and Hye standards would be nothing without adherence to principles.
The following are our principles.
Principle #1: Have Principles
Principles, principles, principles. Webster’s dictionary defines principles as a comprehensive and fundamental law, doctrine, or assumption. Also, it is a noun. The Paper Ladle has been around for a long time in large part due to principles, of which we definitely have.
Principle #2: Excellence
To be excellent one needs fortitude, virtue, courage, boldness, valor, bravery, and a thesaurus.
Principle #3: Paradigm Shifting
We have never seen a paradigm that we did not want to shift. We shift so many paradigms that there are no more paradigms left to shift, so we shifted some back to their original locations just so we could shift them all over again. That’s how dedicated we are to paradigm shifting.
Principle #4 : Originality
We abhor cliches and platitudes and redundancy and repeating ourselves or the things others say again and again redundantly, such as cliches and platitudes, especially about the Armenian Nation. We strive to think outside the box, color outside the lines, and push the envelop through a synergy of due diligence and dynamism.
Principle #5: Make Love to the Armenian Nation
It’s not enough to love the Armenian Nation–one must MAKE LOVE to her. Yes, that’s right. Its easy to say you love something, but it is all together another story to to prove your love through action. Her twin mountains, Ararat and Massis, are her asymmetrical, snow-capped bosoms, while her deep, wooded valleys with their lush vegetation and wildlife are her regrettably unkempt bikini zone. Plow her verdant fields and sew the seeds of the future within her deep, black soil. Don’t forget to call her the next day.
Principle #6: Precision
We will not only say exactly what we mean, and mean exactly what we say, but we will also exactly mean say we what and what we say mean exactly.
Principle #7: Optimism
There is too much negativity and cynicism in the Armenian psyche for some reason. Its almost as if our recent history contained some, I don’t know, cataclysmic event that had made Armenians question not only the existence of justice in the world but the very existence of a loving God, leading to an empty hedonism in which life is reduced to a gross materialism whose purpose is to cram, swill, and fornicate as much as possible before the body and soul together are annihilated forever by death.
Anywho, we seek to highlight positive developments in Armenia and the Diaspora, like winners of provincial elections and features like our award winning series on the lamp-posts of Yerevan.
Principle #8: Truth
Our hard-hitting, uncompromising, sometimes reckless pursuit of the truth will make many uncomfortable. But since truth is sweeter than the milk of a diabetic cow, we will shit light into the dark corners of the news and drag secrets screaming out of the pits of hell. We will crush the enemies of truth, drive them before us and hear the lamentations of their women. We will never hedge, equivocate, and always, always swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help us Dog.
Principle #9: Originality
We abhor cliches and platitudes and redundancy and repeating ourselves or the things…Oh. We already did that one.
Principle #10: Question Everything
Who am I? How do I know I exist? Why do men have nipples? We believe everything must be questioned, including the notion that everything must be questioned. What is the need for questioning everything? What does it solve? Maybe things are exactly as they seem at first sight? Yes, that sounds right. All is well in the world.