Keeping Up With The Kalrissians Coming This Summer Despite Setbacks


Due to the runaway success of the E! channel’s reality show, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and the renewed interest in the Star Wars franchise with The Force Awakens, a new series has been announced as a joint project between E!, Disney, and BET to create a super crossover spin-off show with universal appeal titled Keeping Up with the Kalrissians.

“It’s the classic premise of a blended interracial family set in outer-space,” said executive producer Ryan Seacrest, “which uses telekinesis to combat the Empire and space prejudice.”

Brady Star Scroll
Opening sequence

The show will feature all the black characters from the Star Wars movies: Lando Kalrissian, Mace Windu, Finn and, of course, Jar Jar Binks.

Due to the number of African American co-stars, the set has a total of five Kardashian-wranglers equipped with snares and special burlap sacks lined with LED lights which are thrown over the sisters’ heads when they get over-excited.

“Usually when you throw a normal burlap sack over the head of a snake or crocodile, the sensory deprivation calms them down,” said head Kardashian-wrangler Stephen Van Horst. “But we found out the hard way that seeing complete darkness just makes those girls unbelievably horny.”

Despite these precautions, Ahmed Best, the actor who plays Jar Jar Binks, has filed several workplace harassment suits against the Kardashian sisters, exclusive copies of which The Paper Ladle has obtained:

“O lawdy, Miss Kim made meesa do TERRIBLE tings to she,” the affidavit reads. “Yousa migh’n be sayin’ dat sheesa violated meesa’s workplace wights.” The complaint goes on to say that one of the Kardashian sisters made Mr. Best “nuzzleslurp” one of their “googlyholes” which the complaint characterizes as “stinkerwhiff”.

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  1. Jar Jar Binks is going to be a disappointment in yet another production. Great! My loud black neighbors are going to be louder and yellier as that asshole ruins another show. Damn it Seacrest!

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