Armenia’s 2016 Rose Parade Float: “Armenian Girl on a Black Guy Doing Push Ups”


After a successful 2015 entry into the 126th Tournament of Roses, the American Armenian Rose Float Association has fielded another exciting beflowered papier-mâché sculpture built atop a motorized wire-frame chassis that will promote Armenian culture.

President of the association, Stepan Partamian, admitted that after last year’s float, it was difficult to come up with original iconic imagery.

“Last time we used the Armenian plums (apricots), the pomegranates, the alphabet, the eternity wheel, the carpets and the duduk. That’s pretty much it for Armenian stuff, I think.”

The American Armenian Rose Float Association’s 2015 entry titled “Cradle of Civilization”

But, says Partamian, it suddenly dawned on the team that there was one original image left.

“We wanted something modern and new and asked ourselves “What do people today think about when they think about Armenians?” and everybody in the room said out loud at the same time ‘Armenian girl on a black guy doing push ups!'”

Simply titled “Armenian girl on a black guy doing push ups”, it takes the iconic image of an Armenian girl on a black guy doing push ups and transforms it into an ephemeral floral monstrosity to be gawked at by poor people and foreigners before being fed to the Rose Parade association’s army of ravenous deer.

The material for the float was all sourced from the Armenian homeland, Glendale. 25,000 pink roses were used for the Armenian girl on top of the black guy doing push ups, with a special apricot and peach compote used for her buttocks. Over 700 gallons of organic blackstrap molasses from the Glendale Wholefoods was used for the black guy doing push ups; and nearly 100,000 recycled fraudulent medicare forms were used for the towels on which the Armenian girl on top of the black guy doing push ups is doing push ups.

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  1. Uh, I just watched the Rose Parade. I saw the Armenian Rose float. Didn’t see any Armenian girls on black guys doing push ups. Although, now that you mention it, I kinda wish it had been. A big, black hunk of meat rippling with muscles, sweating and grunting…Me on the back, my body absorbing every motion. I dig my finger nail into his back, he keeps pushing, and pushing and pushing and OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH yes! Yes!! Yes!!….
    That’s the shit right there.

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